So, this is my life, now.
- Cat: Hey. Hey, you. Human.
- Me: ...
- Cat: Human. Human. Huuuuuuuuuuuumaaaaaaaaaan.
- Me: ...
- Cat: HEY. HUMAN. I'M TALKING HERE.
- Me: *sigh* What.
- Cat: I just wanted to tell you something. About this morning.
- Me: ...
- Cat: I said, I just wanted to tell you something about this morning.
- Me: Oh, you mean *this* morning? When you attacked presents and the Christmas tree over and over and over despite repeated water gun squirtings and my many, many profanities?
- Cat: Yeah, that's the one.
- Me: Well, what do you have to say for yourself?
- Cat: Well, I just wanted to say... I just wanted to say... I know I was being a dick.
- Me: You what?
- Cat: Yup. Looking back, I totally realize that I was a First Class, A-1, dick.
- Me: Well. I have to say, I'm surprised to hear you admit this, but thank you. Thank you so much for your apolog-
- Cat: I just don't care.
- Me: What?
- Cat: I was a dick. But I just don't care.
- Me: ...
- Cat: And I'll totally do it again. I'd give it five, ten minutes tops.
- Me: ...
- Cat: Now pet me.
- Me: ...
- Cat: Then maybe shower. I can still smell that chili on you from three days ago.
- Me: ...
- Me: ...
- Me: ...
- Me: *pets cat*
- FIN
