Scenes From The Train
[Our hero sits down in a recently vacated seat. The man he sits next to scowls.]
Oh, I’m sorry. Was sitting next to you a total dick move? I mean, you’re right here next to an open seat, out in public, but me coming here, daring to sit next to you, did that make me rude? Did that make me a dick?!
What’s that?
It did?
Really?!??
[Our hero giggles uncontrollably, and begins vigorously shaking his seatmate’s hand]
Thank you so much! Thank you, thank you, thank you! You have no idea how much this means, being a dick to you!
I should probably explain. See, I was a Dick School drop out.
I wanted to learn how to be a top notch dick, I really did. I was going to go into something like annoying the elderly or puppy kicking or politics, but after the first year, my dad stopped paying. Said he didn’t want any son of his in the Abrasive Arts. I just went to class one day and they told me I was expelled for non-payment. He didn’t even warn me.
Such a dick.
Anyway, I’ve been trying to teach myself at night, and I didn’t think it was working, but you, sir, have shown me otherwise!
I believe it! I can do it! I! Can! Be! A! Dick!
Thanks again. I’m going to go do something else. Maybe block the door at our next stop. Have a nice day!
