January 2011
52 posts
And then I conned myself into buying lunch for my...
I am made of chart-topping genius and high-fashion accessories.
“I swear this has never happened to me. It’s my first time in a room this...”
– Someone Cary knows about three months from now
“Sometimes The Internet is just a cigar.”
– Abraham Einstein Freud, classical guitarist and cut-rate Alien Therapist
Truthful Thursday
I feel uneasy all the time. Not bad. Not sad. Not angry. Just uneasy.
I think it’s because I’ve forgotten how to relax.
Or, I’ve forgotten how to relax because I feel uneasy all the time.
What does it say about me?
ashamedtosay:
That I never actually broke up with my High School Boyfriend, I just stopped accepting his calls and quit hanging out with him. And he quit hanging out with me, which I really didn’t notice (although our Sophmore Year we were inseperable) and then one day in the hall outside Honors History, Michelle Pengra came up to me to tell me that she had seen him at the Village Theater...
Is it in the Radio Shack franchise agreement that...
Also: Eww.
“I fail to see why this is not readily obvious to even the most blinkered...”
– Me, having an opinion about things in a work email, apparently still caffeinated.
I just heard people in the elevator talking about...
Yes, yes. Decaffeinating now.
“They’ll come over to your house, your work, they’ll shampoo your...”
– Someone at a car dealership, or an actor in a modernist play about Caligula. I just can’t tell anymore.
2 tags
WatchHere’s my contribution to Rich’s joke request. There may be some naughty words at the end.
It also may take several years to load.
I would say I slept like poop on a stick...
…but I just saw some poop on a stick, and it was all, “Dude. You look terrible. You should take a nap.”
And then I yelled at a roomful of VPs in a way...
1 tag
I'm not sure what I like best about the...
…but it’s both ceaseless and omnipresent, so really, it’s a win/win.
By the way, I think it’s deeply hilarious that when you plug the phrase, “blah, blah, blah, rapeteta” into Google, you only get four hits. None of them are from the play this phrase was culled from (Hurlyburly, by David Rabe), one is from a blogger’s review of the movie, and the top entry is from my long defunct baseball blog.
Which, of course, means OH GOD I’M...
Conversations With My Daughter: From The Annals Of...
Her: This is like the mind of a six and a half year old.
Me: So, it’s like your mind?
Her: I’M SIX AND THREE QUARTERS!
“Don’t mind me. I’m just waiting on you.”
– The guy behind me at the water fountain right before he was shanked.
And then the guy next to me in the food court...
6 has her best friend over and they're watching...
6 has seen it, but the friend hasn’t, so as a result, the friend is constantly asking questions about what’s happening in the movie, which would be fine, except:
1) Neither of them are paying attention for more than 3 seconds at a pop.
2) When she is paying attention, the friend is consistently asking questions that the movie itself will answer roughly 7 seconds after the question is...
Something, something, "broken cradle bolt,"...
I don’t know a lot about cars, but I’m guessing it wasn’t good to drive with that for a week and a half.
Every time I see this new/old Zodiac thing which...
I read “Ophiuchus” as “Australopithecus”, so I guess what I’m trying to say is, I think I just turned into a caveman.
“Don’t you hate it when you leave your bag of tampons behind?”
– Spoken about an hour from now by the lady ahead of me in line at the grocery store
I think it's important you know that the soup...
You know. In case you needed it to make less sense.
"It's like chicken noodle soup! Except without the...
I give you, “Still Life With Six Year Old.”
tj asked: <a href="http://fsb.me/c25k">In reply to this</a>,
> angryoldcoot said: Good man.
Shut up. This is the stupidest idea I have ever had and I place a big part of the blame on your stupid wife (disclaimer: your wife is not stupid) and even more on YOU for following in her stupid running footsteps.
I'll no doubt twist my ankle...
> angryoldcoot said: Good man.
Shut up. This is the stupidest idea I have ever had and I place a big part of the blame on your stupid wife (disclaimer: your wife is not stupid) and even more on YOU for following in her stupid running footsteps.
I'll no doubt twist my ankle...
I just confirmed that I have jury duty tomorrow.
Things I’ll Say I’ll Do: Read a lot and get some good, productive writing done.
What Will Actually Happen: Watch 10 consecutive episodes of Farscape while eating myself into a vending machine food coma.
2 tags
And then the developer who is making all the...
Confidence. Skyrocketing.
I think I might be getting old, because one of my...
I just said "canyon" in that post to see if you...
Also, no wonder I hated coloring.
Watch
Regional Dialect Meme
Say these words:
Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught
Now answer these questions:
What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house? What is the bug that when you touch it, it...
