December 2009
40 posts
1 tag
Important Instructions On The Care And Feeding Of...
I just started following you *waves knowing if I pretend to be some one other than pufflepie I’ll end up looking like a dickhead…..again* What do I need to know about you? Huh?
Well, first: HI PUFFLEPIE! *waves* *gesticulates wildly* *falls* *cries* *crawls to corner* *goes fetal* Now that we’ve got the introductions out of the way: what do you need to know about me? Let’s...
I expect a fruit basket
I almost posted the most terrible poem that I wrote in my head in the car on the way to work this morning. Seriously, people, you owe that ‘Cancel’ button your lives.
1 tag
Sometimes, even the validation's not enough
Other than Twitter, or in bed, do you still perform?
Right now, no. The last time I was on stage was in early 2004, about 3 months before my daughter was born. Funny thing is, even though I said performing brings me joy - and it certainly does - the reason I’m not doing it now is because, much as I love it, I love being able to spend time with my daughter more. That and the work I was...
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I think you took my failsafe
Aside from family, what brings you joy?
I get joy from performing. I love the sound of an audience laughing, the ringing in the rafters as they applaud. I love the feeling of being in front of hundreds of people, and knowing that you have their undivided attention. I love knowing that, while they’re looking at me now, they won’t be there when I get home. I get joy from baseball. I love the Cubs...
Alright, here's the thing
I just got a doozy of a formspring question. It’s a serious one that I want to give serious consideration, and I’m finding that I’m not really up to the task this evening. It goes like this:
Aside from family, what brings you joy?
The substance of of the answer is simple enough, but each time I try to express it, I find it wanting. So, I’m going to hope that tomorrow...
So sue me for enjoying it
The furnace is fixed, the kid’s in bed, and the stout is poured.
Ask me something, already.
1 tag
No, I am not Gargamel in real life
Care Bears or Smurfs?
Smurfs. The Care Bear fur singes on the grill. Anyway. The serious thing: Both of these shows are terrible. Really, truly epic failures of the creative faculties of humanity as a whole. I actually saw some of an old Smurf cartoon the other day, and while I was a little old for it when it first came out anyway, and thus did not care for it, I was a little shocked at just...
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And then I failed at not being awkward
Do you have any Twitter Crushes and/or people you really enjoy?
I only have one Twitter crush, and she’s right here, watching me type this, and I kinda think that’s a cleaver she’s holding, which is odd because I don’t remember owning one, but that’s not really the point so much as PLEASE DON’T HURT ME!!! *Serious Face* Anyway…I don’t have any...
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Wait. I have a WIFE?!???
How does it work out, Having your wife on twitter? Do you vie for the top spot at being funny? by mrdtweet
Honestly, it’s been a lot of fun. One of the things that’s always been really good about our relationship is that we make each other laugh. All the time. Humor is a huge part of how we relate to each other, and being on Twitter has just given us another venue to do that. Plus,...
If you're so bored you'll ask...
I just might answer. I might even be kinda serious this time.
Might.
http://www.formspring.me/angryoldcoot
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Well, I AM part Norwegian...
would you rather drink till you puke, or be an old retired lady named Olga who volunteers as a dance instructor for an empty class?
Well, I’m pretty sure I’ve already done one of those things, so for the sake of variety, let’s go drinking!
Ask me anything
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Your photography is primitive, yet useful
I have to know? Is that really your picture?
Well…it’s A picture…of me…….from the future!!!* *(that i found with a google image search)
Ask me anything
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Choosing is hard
who do you kill first and why? The Wiggles, Barney or Dora. by theacerbic1
The Wiggles. They’re the only ones who are real people and able to truly experience the horror I would unleash. Also, there’s more of them, so the increased bloodshed would somehow be a more profound service to the World At Large.
Ask me anything
Alright, so I'll answer this again, only kinda...
Avon or Mary Kay - which has the best foundation?
All my make-up experience is theatre-related, so while I have no experience with Avon or Mary Kay (or anything else you’d find at a standard make-up counter), I’ve worn more make-up in my life than a lot of women. I can tell you I was partial to Ben Nye stuff, and that greasepaint should only be used if you’re going to be a...
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Maybe you meant something else...
Avon or Mary Kay - which has the best foundation?
Well, the Avon Foundation has been around for over 50 years and has donated over $725 million dollars to various causes, while the Mary Kay Foundation is only about 13 years old, so based purely on longevity, I’ll give it to Avon.
Ask me anything
Yeah, I'm open for business
Okay, that came out wrong. Point is, I mentioned this on Twitter, and I’ll put it out here too for one last time tonight: Ask me stuff.
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Soylent Green is people!!!!
If you could only pick one cartoon from Nick Jr. to erase from existance, which one would it be? by misscook
“The Fresh Beat Band” This is a show about four children with the freakish affliction of Gigantism, who also have a fetish with boppy, catchy music about friendship and solving problems and the proper method for de-boning a chicken. Science has found that while it’s...
I'm just going to go ahead and say it . . .
misscook:
Formspring is fun and oh so addicting.
I’m surprised I haven’t seen the usual bitching that comes with these sorts of things. It’s a nice change from twitter as of late.
(Of course there may be bitching going on, but I’m just not paying attention since I’m checking my formspring inbox every 5 fucking seconds)
http://www.formspring.me/misscook in case you have a question you’re dying...
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To the pain
should so-called “internet marketers” and “coaches” on Twitter be shot to death? or tortured first?
I’ll have you know, my Sainted Mother was an Internet Marketer, and my Dear Father was a Life Coach! So, yeah, torture them first.
Ask me anything
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It's a trap!
Why do you think you get more sexy questions on Formspring than your wife? Is she not sexy?
I try not to contemplate my wife’s sexiness. This is because she is so sexy, that it has moved well beyond “hugely sexy,” or “epically sexy,” or even “ludicrously sexy,” into the realm of “Really, let me first contemplate and fully comprehend the nature and...
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The word you're looking for is "Gorgeous"
Are you even more handsome in person?
When measuring my handsomeness, scientists tend to use the “Hoffman Scale,” which attempts to quantify the distance from Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s handsomeness using a standard of measurement called “Capotes”. My handsomeness, as last measured, comes in at -726,843 Capotes.
Ask me anything
Seriously. More, please.
I’m kinda having fun, so ask away.
1 tag
It's the big questions that matter most
Do you think that it would be wrong for a man to rub aquarium gravel on his bare thighs?
Wrong is such a strong word. I’d prefer not to be judgmental and simply say that if you do so you are the worst kind of masochistic pervert who deserves the eons of hellfire that will be yours to reap.
Is it true that the answer to the universe is 42? I know it’s hardly a fair question, but I...
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formspring.me
Go ahead and ask me stuff, kids. I need something to do that’s not work. http://formspring.me/angryoldcoot
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formspring.me
If a cow and a calf ate a pumpkin and a half in a day and a half how long would it take a one legged monkey to kick all the seeds out of a pickle?
Fish
Ask me anything
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formspring.me
What’s ‘really’ happening?
I’ve been waiting for a question I could respond to with the word “matricide”. This’ll do.
Ask me anything
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formspring.me
Are you really an angry old coot as opposed to a happy young beauty?
On the inside, yes. On the outside…actually, yes again.
Ask me anything
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formspring.me
whosits or whatsits?
Neither. I prefer ‘whensits’. As in, “I like my scotch whensits in my belly.”
Ask me anything
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formspring.me
Tampons or maxi pads?
Tampons. Maxi pads get stuck in my throat.
Ask me anything
Survival Instinct
Parents do all sorts of things to retain their sanity in the face of the overwhelming odds presented by long-term exposure to childrens’ television programming. They Drink. They scream. They cry. They drink. They also, I’m sad to say, drink a little, too. Okay: a lot. However, for me, one of the most effective ways of dealing with the constant barrage of sights and sounds which no...